How I Knew It Was Perimenopause (Spoiler: My Husband Figured It Out First)

Let me tell you how I found out I was in perimenopause. It wasn't a doctor. It wasn't a magazine quiz. It definitely wasn't me.

It was my husband. And a link. From his coworker. About his coworker's wife.

Let me back up.

"I'm Just Tired." (Said Every Day, for Months)

For a while there, I was convinced I was just getting lazy. I was tired all the time. Not "I stayed up too late" tired. More like "my battery is at 3% and someone took the charger" tired.

I'd pick up my kids from school and just want to do the bare minimum. Snacks? Fine. Homework? We'll see. Dinner? Define dinner.

And at home, things felt off. My husband felt like I wasn't paying attention to him, and honestly, he couldn't figure out why I didn't seem to like him anymore. (Spoiler: I did. I just didn't have the energy to like anyone, including myself.)

Was I in denial? Maybe. Okay, probably.

My Friends Were No Help (Bless Them)

So I did what any of us would do: I asked my friends. "Do you ever feel exhausted all the time? Like, all the time?"

And every single one of them said yes... and then immediately had an excuse.

• "Oh, that's just the kids."
• "Work has been crazy."
• "I haven't been sleeping well, that's all."
• "It's just this time of year."

Looking back, I think we were all in denial together. A whole group chat of women feeling the exact same way and calling it "just a phase." (Which, technically, it was. It just had a name.)

The Plot Twist: My Husband Sent Me a Link

Here's where it gets good. My husband was talking with a coworker whose wife was going through the same thing. That coworker sent my husband the link his wife had been using to talk to someone about her symptoms.

My husband sent it to me right away with a simple message: it's worth talking to someone and seeing if you are a candidate.

I'll be honest. I was hesitant. Part of me thought, "Is it really that bad?" And another part of me thought, "Wait... it's bad enough that HE took matters into his own hands?"

That was my wake-up call.

Doing My Homework (and Finding My Courage)

The link was for a company called Midi. I spent some time researching them before I did anything, because that's who I am. And then, finally, I worked up the courage to schedule an appointment.

I've now been working with my nurse practitioner at Midi for the past seven months, and I don't regret it one bit. Having someone actually listen, connect the dots, and tell me "this is real, and you're not lazy" was a relief I didn't know I needed.

If This Sounds Like You

If you've been chalking everything up to being busy, tired, or "just getting older," here's what I wish someone had told me sooner:

• You're not lazy. Constant exhaustion is worth paying attention to.
• Your friends might be going through it too, even if they're blaming the kids, work, or the weather.
• Listen to the people who love you. Sometimes they notice changes before we do.
• Talk to a healthcare provider. Perimenopause can look different for everyone, and a provider can help figure out what's going on and what your options are.

And if your husband sends you a link? Maybe click it. (Don't tell mine I said that.)

Coming Up Next

In my next post, I'll share how my HRT journey started and how it's going so far. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, if you're running on fumes and humor like I was, you might relate to our Powered By Coffee & Estrogen Sweatshirt or the Not Old, Just Paused Hat. And if a friend comes to mind while you're reading this? Send her this post. She might need it.

Not sure what you'd even tell a provider? Our free 7-Day Symptom Tracker helps you put it all on paper first. Join the Pause Club to get it now, plus 5% off your first order.

This article shares one woman's personal experience and is for general information, not medical advice. Shop the Pause is not affiliated with Midi. Please talk with your healthcare provider about your symptoms and treatment options.